S J Hollis -- unreliable narrator, bad spella

S J Hollis
1 November 1975
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Short, unreliable, slightly odd thirty-seven-year-old woman. Pizza fiend. Suspicious of the human race. Watches the crime channel instead of the morning news. Fan of Percy Bysshe Shelley, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jesus and Batman. Morning person. Lover of Game of Thrones and Hollyoaks. Skyrim player. Shakespeare admirer. Forty quid a month comics habit. Thinks frost giants are cuddly and Loki needs a hug. Feels sick at the thought of sharing the remote control. Is learning to cook (can fry bacon like the devil fries souls, but spaghetti bolognaise more of a challenge). Currently obsessed with Leighton Denny nail polish and fish finger sandwiches. Very short attention sp...


Friend – Shelley is well known for her love of handbags and black cats. It was these two things that gave her the inspiration she needed to write the outstanding bestseller Bounty Hunter, which in fact has nothing to do with black cats or handbags. In her spare time she loves nothing better than galloping through the Surrey countryside on her horse Stan. A remarkable woman.

Mum – Shelley is a bit geeky, but very lovable, even though her hands are spookily small.

Work Colleague – Won’t shut up. Nine to five, yabber yabber. I have an almost constant headache.

Niece – She is my favourite aunty because she has curly hair and burps really loud!

Sister – You think Big Bang Theory, you think Shelley. Funny, independent, intelligent, geeky, sci fi freak who you can always count on for the truth, even if it hurts like hell; it is said with love and for your own good! Best sister in the whole wide world.

The Dog – She never gives me any broccoli, her belly rubs are unpractised and I make her fetch her own damn balls.

Complete stranger – I have no idea what sort of person you are. Leave me alone. Go away, please! Police!

(Disclaimer: Some of the above testimonies may not be true. Some unfortunately are)